in Search of the Source

Adventure and Beauty

2010-01-16T21:04:00.013-07:00

I am realizing that I don't enjoy the winter as much as I thought I did. Truth be told, I actually get very nervous about trips like this one that I took recently. Here at camp Bighorn we are in the adventure ministry. We refer to adventure as anything with an unknown outcome. For some reason adventure has been tougher for me lately, and in the midst of it I often strive for control. But I long to let it go... to stop worrying... to rest in the Lord, believing that he is enough for me.

One thing I have found, though, that continues to draw me into adventures, and that is beauty. I love beauty. It draws me in and transports me to a different world. Maybe it's the closest I get here on earth to experiencing eternity. Enjoy these pictures... they are a few of the scenes that captured me up there on Three Lakes Peak, and a few of the things the Lord used to encourage me on the journey.

Little Miracles

2009-12-30T09:25:00.003-07:00

I've heard someone speak about the little miracles that God does for his people... miracles that often go unnoticed by us who receive them. As someone who is receiving an income through the generosity of others who support this ministry at Bighorn, I am starting to see those miracles a little more clearly than I have before. Being "on support" is neither an easy road nor a lucritive business, but it is an amazing way to experience the faithfulness of our God. The miracle that I am seeing is how some of that faithfulness comes in other ways other than through receiving gifts of finances. In my case it has come through my car!

Many people have laughed at my Honda and made fun of it (forms of endearment). Honestly, I love it when people do that. But they continue to be amazed that she keeps on trucking along. She made the journey from Maryland to Montana. I've taken her to the Grand Tetons, Calgary, Alberta, and Moab, Utah. She has made several trips out to Seattle and has survived the paved and unpaved roads of Montana. Not bad for a 91 Honda with well over 300,000 miles on it! I consider this one of the many miracles that God has done in my life. This car just keeps on going with little to no need of repair. I may not make a lot of money, but the Lord has blessed me with a vehicle that keeps on working for very low cost.

This morning I started up my car so I could drive her into town. By the sound I could immediatley tell I was lacking something quite important... a muffler. I looked in the back and sure enough, my muffler has disconnected. Thankfully that happened while it was parked over Christmas break and not while I was driving. I am starting to think that the days for the wonderful vehicle might be coming to a close, but that part of the story isn't written yet.

This is a new year!

2009-01-08T11:20:00.003-07:00

Every year some things change and some things stay the same. The snow is still coming down in force this year and we are still looking for the best way to get the sudents and supplies up to the top of the mountain. But thanks to the provision of God, this year we have a new way of tackling the problem! Check out the video to see.

55 Hours Home

2008-12-31T14:42:00.013-07:00

12/26/2008

11:00 am: my brother drives me to the airport
12:00 pm: arrive at airport and check in
12:01 pm: realize my flight is delayed due to chicago ice storm
2:30 pm: board the plane
2:45 pm: we are informed there are indefinite delays for
unknown reasons
4:00 pm: out plane takes off from Baltimore
4:30 pm: I get to see my homeland from the plane... the Jersey
shore !!
4:45 pm: land @ JFK airport in New York City
4:46 pm: run wth a herd of 17 other people to cach our flight to
Seattle
4:56 pm: we arrive at the gate and find the plane has already left
4:57 pm: instantly make friends with fellow flight missers and we
begin searching for alternate options
5:15 pm: we get into line at the ticket counter
6:15 pm: after much great conversation in line with my new
friends, we finally get to the ticket agent
6:20 pm: we are assigned tickets for the Seattle flight the
following day
6:22 pm: after being told by her manager not to give us hotel
rooms for the night, the ticket agent gives us hotel
rooms for the night
7:00 pm: we arrive at the Ramada Inn
7:15 pm: sit down to dinner with my new travelling friends as we
enjoy great food and great conversation
8:00 pm: begin making phone calls to Montana to work out a
new way home
12:30 am: go to bed

12/27/2008

8:30 am: wake up
10:00 am: get a bite-sized bagel for 5 bucks from the hotel
10:15 am: finish my pizza from the night before
12:00 pm: head back to the airport
4:20 pm: my plane leaves for Seattle
7:30 pm (Seattle time): my plane lands in Seattle
10:00 pm: my plane leaves for Spokane, WA (where there's 4 ft.
of snow!)
10:45 pm: my plane lands and I'm reunited with my friends!
10:46 pm: find out that the camp that I had come home
early from Christmas break for was cancelled
10:50 pm: start driving the icy streets of Spokane
11:30 pm: arrive at my boss' grandmother's house
12:00 am: go to sleep

12/28/2008

8:00 am: wake up
9:30 am: eat and amazing breakfast made by my boss'
grandmother
11:00 am: leave Spokane, WA and drive through the snowy
mountain passes back to Montana
4:00 pm (Montana time): arrive back at Camp Bighorn (and
there was much rejoicing!)

Overall Leason Learned:

Don't get caught up in the frustration of things not working out the way you want them to. God has put us in frustrating situations so that we may be the flavor of his presence to those around us; to be a people of hope in the world.

Orphans and Widows

2008-08-22T17:29:00.008-06:00

One of the regular camps that we host out here is for a group called Guide On. In the Bible in the book of James, it says, "Religion that God our father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress..." (1:27). And that's exactly the vision that James, the founder of Guide On, has for his ministry. A couple of years back, his best friend was killed in the war in Iraq leaving a wife and 2 kids without a husband and father. So he started Guide On to care for wives and children of the same circuumstance. Largely he tries to provide opportunities for the kids to do things that their dads would normally have done with them. So part of that is giving them the chance to come out here to Camp Bighorn once a year so they can try rock climbing, rafting, fishing, etc. It gives the moms a great break and the kids an amazing time as the staff here sieze the opportunity to love on the kids 24/7. It's been humbling to hear James' heart for the families that have lost their husands and dads, and to see how God is blessing that ministry to include many more families than were a part of it last year. You should check out there website too (http://www.guideon.org/). It's a pretty sweet ministry that seems to be at the heart of what God cares about. and it's always a privelege to have them out here in Montana.

Glacier National Park

2008-08-22T12:04:00.013-06:00

My good friend Dave came out from Maryland earlier this summer to visit... my first official guest from home to come out to camp and see what life is like for me here. We got to travel up to Glacier National Park together. A lot of the roads were still buried in deep deep snow, and a lot of the water flows were super high as much of the snow was starting to melt and rush down the mountains as quickly as they could. It's tough to be in such a place and not wonder at God's excitement for such hidden corners of his creation to be found and enjoyed by his people. I'll let the pictures do the rest of the talking.

How Does God Work?

2008-07-24T12:55:00.015-06:00

I'm sure there are plenty of answers to this question, but for now the answer I've been given is in the form of a picture: gardening.

I had the chance to do a good bit of teaching to our summer staff at camp in order to prepare them for their work at camp this summer. God is constantly working in our lives to shape us in the image of his son, and here at Bighorn we are striving to participate in that process in the lives of everyone who comes in here as well. So I thought it's be good for us to do some gardening together and gain a deeper understanding of the ways God works in us and in the lives of others too.

So...

God starts with a pretty barren piece of landscape; our heart. If you were to plant seeds on this soil right now, absolutely nothing would grow.

So God has a lot of tilling, churning, weeding, and aggravating to do in us to get out hearts prepared to receive his word so that it can actually take root in our lives.

A lot of times that preparation comes in the form of difficulty and suffering in our lives. It often takes suffering for us to finally reach a point of being able to listen to him. The tilling of our soil is never fun, and it often lasts a long time, but it is an essential part of God's work in us.

Once our hearts have been softened enough we are finally ready to hear God's word and accept it so that it can grow and take root in us. His word is often small and simple and to the point, but in it is the power and potential for great life to grow out of it.

Once the seed of God's word has been planted in our lives, it must be watered and cared for so that it can start to grow.

And then it does grow, and God's word is seen being lived out in our lives, where once there was only barren soil! Soon the growing plant will produce fruit that will then be able to give life to many others.

And so that is the process we all find ourselves in, but the choice is ours as to whether or not we will respond to his word. The more we respond the more will be able to plant it faithfully in the lives of others as their soil is constantly being churned.

So that's the picture. It was fun getting to teach it and having the summer staff get to tangibly interact with the concept. Hopefully at the end of the summer we'll get to enjoy the fruits of our garden!

Rest

2008-05-17T10:40:00.003-06:00

Man, can I get caught up in work! It's so easy for me to just keep working and never take time just to rest. Sometimes I work because it's just the easiest thing for me to do... easier than spending time with people and building relationships. Other times I work because I feel like there is so much to do and so little time. And a lot of times I just work because it feels good to accomplish something.

Today is a Saturday, and I was planning on working, but for some reason this morning I was inspired to relax. So I went out to the back porch of my trailer and layed down in the hammock. As I did the clear morning sun soon rose up from behind the trees and the rocky cliffs as the birds played in thier sanctuary and the beauty of it all just floored me. I wanted to share it with you, so check out the short video of the view from my hammock.

A River Retreat

2008-05-13T17:53:00.004-06:00

It was great getting away last weekend to the Blackfoot River (that's the river "A River Runs Through It" was filmed on). The Program staff at camp all went camping together for a couple of days, and had a chance just to relax with each other and not talk about work. We did some playing on the river and even got to do some bowling. This video is of me trying to surf on a wave in the river and flipping over as usual. I was just glad to be able to flip back up! The time to get away and have fun with some friends was much needed. Sometimes I don't realize I need time like that until I actually get it.

Building in the Trees

2008-04-25T17:46:00.004-06:00

Oh, the life! Getting to build a playground in the trees. After four years of construction before moving out here, it's great getting to build again and see all that I learned coming in to use here. It's been so much fun to walk the process of finding a group of trees, envisioning what could be, cleaning out the area, chopping down dead trees, and then slowly putting up the events. Seeing it come to be has been sweet. I just wanted to show you all one of the pics from our building, because maybe you like hanging out in trees as much as I do!

Winter in the Spring

2008-04-04T21:35:00.011-06:00

So April started out a bit colder than I thought it would be... but it sure did start out beautifully! Lately I have been constantly reminded of the beauty that can only come through difficulty and perseverance. This past four days on skis was one of the most exhausting trips I have ever taken. It wasn't just the difficulty for me of travelling over the most challenging terrain I have faced yet, but it had a lot to do with constantly fighting the bitter cold and the unwelcome wind, not to mention dehydration and an aggravated body. Up on the ridge of Baldy Peak there is simply no shelter... no escape from the elements... yet that's where we camped. The summit area truly felt like another planet that I was somehow enabled to roam. Hardened snow encased everything. The wind swept remarkable patterns into the surface of the snow and huge overhanging cornices formed along the ridge. At times I felt like I was walking through a graveyard of stone giants frozen over the centuries they had been there. "I shouldn't be here. This isn't a place for humans," I thought... "But I AM here... for some reason I've been allowed to enter this world!" And by some weird grace I WAS allowed to enter.

But more and more I am believing that we have the choice of whether or not to enter. I used to believe that God simply laid all of the blessings he had for us into our laps as we sat there, like on Christmas day. But I think some blessings are saved only for those who persevere... for those who are willing to take the hard road because of the good that is promised in it. These are the men and women God seeks... the men and women who seek after him despite the cost because of the hope and promise they have in him. This last trip up the mountain for the winter had me constantly enduring, constantly choosing to go on and step into the challenge of the circumstances and environment. Yet every new corner revealed a beauty that my dreams hadn't yet uncovered for me, and my spirit was swept off of its feet!

How often do we avoid the conflict at hand or walk away from the promise given to us because we perceive that the cost is too high for us? It isn't usually as tangible as a mountain to climb, but it's the opportunity God has given us to walk in the strength he gives us in order to see him on the other side. I desire to live like this, though I know the cost DOES often seem too high, but maybe my vision for the beauty that lies on the other side is just too weak!

Meat and Mallows!

2008-03-27T10:34:00.005-06:00

Was there ever a better night at the Trailer? I don't know, but it's pretty tough to beat a "Meat and Mallows" invitation!

The sky grew dark, the stars came out, and the flames grew bright. As music from the soundtrack to "The Mission" filled the air, people came throughout the night and joined us on the porch of the trailer. We skewered some marshmallows and some marinated meat and roasted away. There were plenty of stories told, a lot of laughter, and the constant sound of "mmmmmmmmmmmm" coming from satisfied mouths.

jahskjhasdkjhasdkjhasdkjhasdkjhadskjhasdkjahdkjahsdkjahsdkhjasdkhjadskjhaskj

It's been my desire, being given a trailer to live in here, to use it as an investment in other people's lives, not just as a place for myself. My roommate John and I have found a few other opportunities to host people, but this night was particularly sweet. Almost all of the college students came out as well as some other camp staff. It just seemed like a fitting event for the men's trailer, too, to host a meat night. And our roasting pit (a half barrel, mostly rusted out at the bottom) added to the rustic mood too. It spilled out a lot of its coals onto the plywood we had set up underneath for just such an occasion. The bucket of water came in handy as well to squelch out the flames as they reached the decking boards and maybe even the ground below. It's good to be prepared!

Finally... the winter video comes out!

2008-02-25T20:31:00.007-07:00

This video has been a long time in getting posted. I just kept having troubles loading it up onto the internet, but it's finally here. It gives a good picture of what a typical day looked like for me as I was involved in teaching students how to build quinzhees (a type of snow shelter). One of the great things about teaching out in the winter environment is the amount of time I get to spend with all of the students. We are constantly hiking, building, talking, cooking, eating, and playing together, not to mention sleeping out in snow forts with each other! A huge value for me is time with people, and behind that is a belief that faith is largely caught not taught and a lot of that is experienced through a loving community. The winter also definitely allows for a lot of time to get to know people a lot better, to build trust, show love, hear where they're at and what they're dealing with and getting to share about myself and rely on them too. It all definitely fits into the bigger picture of all the students are learning in this 2 semester college program. By this time of year, most of the students are deeply in the mix of processing all that they are learning about themselves in light of all sorts of challenges and what they're studying about God and his character. It was a privilege to spend time surviving and thriving with them in the snow and to come alongside of them in their process as one who is very much also in the process of growing in faith through all of the challenges that God so readily and lovingly brings our way. Enjoy the video... I hope it makes you feel like you are right there in the action with us!

Leadership Training

2008-02-11T18:48:00.010-07:00

It's easy for me to talk to someone about the job that I do. I can say with confidence what I hope to accomplish and how I will go about it, but doing the job is SO different. All of the answers seem like a mist blown away by the wind, and I even wonder if they were really there in the first place. So how then do I lead?

In the midst of long snowshoe treks, building snow shelters, and a lot of time with people out in the cold, the question rises unavoidably to the surface: how DOES all of this help people grow in their relationship with Christ and help train up leaders of strong character? It would seem that wrestling with that question now, in the midst of the adventure, might be a bit too late, but honestly there is no better place to be wretsling with it. I've been thankful to have the freedom to be seeking out the answer to that question while also getting to test out the answers with real life experience, as well as having the freedom to be in the process of growth rather than living under the pressure to know the answer already and to perform with perfection. Honestly... how often do we really know the answer? How often can we really look at what we're doing and claim mastery... that our questioning is over... that we have reached perfection?

On a different note, isn't it hunger that drives us to food... thirst that brings us to water. It seems that God plants a lot more questions in people than he does answers. It is the question that he gives us that drives us to seek him, and our search is not in vain, for he who seeks finds (Matthew 7:7).

So... that leads us to the title of this post, "Leadership Training." I don't think leadership starts when you have the answers. I think it starts when God plants a question in you and you respond with the courage to seek it out. I spent two weeks teaching winter camping along side of Shane, one of the college interns here at camp. We were constantly wrestling with and working out how to use the skill of winter camping as a tool for the eternal. Each time we had a new group we were able to tweek our methods and rework our strategy with what we had learned from the time before. After we took each group out, the students were each allowed to choose one of the three winter skills they had been learning over the last couple of weeks to specialize in and do further learning in for the final week. Six students chose to specialize in winter camping, the skill that I was helping to teach. Shane and I decided that rather than trying to apply one more possible answer to our burning question in our time with these students, we would instead bring them into the question with us. We started our time with askng them how they would incorprate the spiritual into the skills they were learning and then to test that out on the trip. The seed (the question) was planted, and for those who take the question to heart, leadership is growing. Now they too need to wrestle with how outdoor adventure can be used for building up leaders and for spiritual growth in people's lives. They weren't the recipients anymore of Shane's and my answers... receiving answers to a question they didn't have. Now the burden is in them to search for the answers and to lead each other in the process. The more they wrestle with that question now, the more they will be able to lead people in that respect in the future.

It's nice not to need to grasp on to control of the group in order to be seen as a great leader or as one who has it all together. And it's pretty amazing to see that sometimes the most effective tool a leader has is to let go and allow other people to start to lead. So all in all, it's been an encouraging season out in the snow, and I do believe that God is working through the things we're doing here, that people are growing in character, and that in the midst of my own questions, leadership training is still happening.

The students decided that with all of the time that would be spent with each other on the trip, whether at meals, or sleeping in shelters together, or building snow kitchens, etc., that they would be intentional about the conversations they were having with one another, sharing stories of God's work in their lives, how they came to faith, etc. It was a great time of being encouraged and getting to know each other on a much deeper level. The picture is of part of the group sitting in the indoor kitchen that we made out of the snow. It was a warm welcome retreat out of the wind and cold and many great conversations were had there by candle light late into the night.

Prayer

2008-01-22T20:40:00.000-07:00

Slowly I have been learning about prayer... and still I am learning slowly. Really what I mean by that is that I am learning of the need to pray. I'm coming face to face with the reality that I am weak... and what's even cooler... that it's ok to be weak. My desires are bigger than my ability and my strength, but God is bigger than all. If I were to live life with the best of all my efforts, great things might happen... maybe. But even so all my efforts can only go so far. But God has NO limit to what he can do, and in the end only that which comes from him will last. Why waste my effort on trying to force my own way only to produce something that will fade away like the drying up of the dew. So I call out to God asking to see his strength at work in this world and in our lives. All things are possible with him. And it is with this seed planted in my heart that I have started work at Camp Bighorn this year.

In the job that I have been given it is my intention that prayer be a central focus. Afterall, if we are in the business of teaching people about faith in Christ and helping them grow in their relationship with him, what hope do we have to do this if it is not through the power of God at work. And so we ask him to work through us and in the things we do.

My fear going into this has been that prayer seems to be one of those touchy things that you can't force on people because the heart of it is soon lost. So then how do you lead people into prayer in a genuine way without turning people from it? The bottom line is that I haven't felt very prepared to come in a lead in such a task, and it's for that reason that I've been asking God to be at work and to provide. Wouldn't you know he been amazingly faithful in answering that prayer! Honestly it still surprises me every time!

I am working closely with several college interns here at camp who do most of the hands on ministry with the college students. God has somehow created an attitude of prayer, an awareness of dependance on him within the hearts of these interns, that so far is permeating their leadership! I didn't have to life a finger. (The sad part in all this is realizing that part of me really wanted the credit for their praying. I wanted it to be my idea, my leadership that brought it about. But it hasn't been. God has brought it about in other ways. But thank God that he is freeing me from desire for my own glory so that I can more greatly rejoice in God and what he is doing!) So the only thing left for me to do is to encourage what I am seeing in them and to say, "Well done." Because the more we lean on the strength of God, the more we will see things happen that require his strength, and I long to see those things come!

Today we all headed up to Siegel Pass again to prepare for the winter skills that we teach. We are supposed to start teaching the students beginning this Thursday. But on our way up the one truck that was still working broke down, and we are left with none... no way to get up the mountain everyday. And so it seems that God has given us another opportunity to pray and to see him at work... another opportunity to unite as a people who call on his name rather than waving the banner of serving God, yet leaving him out of the picture. I am excited to see what he will do!

It's official...

2008-01-15T14:13:00.000-07:00

Now me AND my car are both Montanian! You can probably tell the liscense plates are new by how clean they are in comparison with my snow cat of a vehicle. I took a 40 minute trip today to the government building where all the officialness takes place. It was fun seeing signs along the way that warned of bighorn sheep rather than deer... and the warning proved a good one. I probably saw about 8 of them at different times, either along the road or crossing it. It was also funny getting into town and passing a tiny motel that was advertising (in a very colorful sign) COLOR TV. Technology has arrived! Finally. Just not cell phone reception.

There be snow in Montana!

2008-01-09T17:10:00.000-07:00

We have been preparing the way for our college students to come to camp for the winter. We had plans for what we needed to accomplish at the top of the pass, but getting there seemed to be the main task of the day. The last mile of road took us about an hour and a half, not to mention the other eight miles! There was much shoveling, fixing tire chains, packing down snow, clearing drifts in the road, and just a lot of driving back and forth in the waist deep snow until the trucks would finlly go forward. Did I mention that Montana's mountains are pretty beautiful all covered in snow? Well, they are. And after a lot of work up at the top of the pass setting up a large tent we got to enjoy the beauty of the crystal clear stars on the way down, not forgetting the fun of getting pulled in a sled behind the trucks. Enjoy the short video of our trucks forging the way up to Siegel Pass.

God is...

2008-01-07T15:43:00.000-07:00

... faithful. Wow! Two months ago I was sitting in the Seattle airport on my way back to Maryland. As I was watching the sunset and waiting for my plane, I spent time in prayer with God. I sensed him saying that no matter what happened over the next two months I needed to know that he was faithful. Virtually every morning I was home I started the day in prayer as I walked around my community, reminding myself of God's promise to be faithful and asking for the courage to take the necessary steps of faith everyday. Now I sit back in my office at camp, my time of fundraising at home is done, and God has remained true to his word. I have returned to camp having reached the full $2000/month minimum requirement for raising my salary!

But being home was much more than raising money. It was spending time with so many friends and family members. It was getting to share with people about my life and work and how God has been leading me. It was getting to build new friendships. It was fun. It was challenging. It was encouraging, and a time to learn to walk more closely in dependence on the Lord.

Thank you so much to everyone I got to enjoy spending time with. I was overwhelmed by a strong community of faith who both supports me and believes in me. What an a amazing gift to receive!

FUNDRAISING

2007-11-19T15:19:00.000-07:00

Well... I'm right in the thick of it these days. FUNDRAISING. Though I work at an outdoor adventure camp, my adventure is one of a totally different nature: asking people for money in order to be paid for the work I'm doing. Like any struggle, it has the potential to conquer me, having me shrink back and never know the rewards that would come with courage and victory. It's funny to think of how much I love to watch heroic movies like Braveheart or Lord of the Rings. I get so inspired and want to be like the man who steps into almost certain death with unwavering determination because what he is fighting for is worth it. Yet I think we often watch those movies to get our fix of those emotions rather than living it out. But faith in God will necessarily call us to step into the great unknown... to risk. And as we follow him through these times we come to know the even deeper satisfaction of victory won, because we ourselves have risked, we have trusted, and by the strength of the Lord Almighty we have conquered. The only reason I am able to walk through this adventure of fundraising is because I believe that God has led me here, will be with me through it, and has called me to enter into what will follow. The risk still feels the same... the fear of breaking relationships, what people will think about me, the hardship that others might take on on my behalf. But I believe I have already seen how God has actually strengthened relationship because of asking people to help me. He has given people joy in giving. It has been pretty amazing to see his blessings come through this time. And on top of that all he is definitely refining my trust and giving me the humility to be help up by other people rather than by my own effort. How amazing it is to realize that on my own I have nothing and can do nothing... like a baby lying helpless on the floor. Yet I have been picked up off of the floor by the many hands of people who love me, care about me, and take joy in serving the Lord. I am held up by people who are FOR me, not by people who feel guilted into helping me and despise the help they are giving. What an amazing testimony of God's grace, how he DELIGHTS to come to our aid. even when we were dead in our sins he delighted to come down into the muck with us and pull us out... not because he had to, but because it was to his pleasure to do so! Awesome, huh? So thank you, Lord, for calling me to this time of knowing your great faithfulness and grace for us more deeply. And thanks everyone out there who has delighted to share in this with me.